Gerry Brownlee holding documents which hint at collusion between Jacinda Ardern and Dr Ashley Bloomfield, probably.

New Zealand’s unofficial poet laureate Victor Billot pens topical verse every Sunday. This week: National’s spokesperson for baseless conspiracies, Gerry Brownlee

Outlining Facts

I am the Shadowy Minister of Hidden Agendas.

Of the public good I am the Great Defender.

I jumped the shark and went on the lam,

I’m down with Poot Evans and his coronascam.

Is Ashley Bloomfield a reptile shapeshifter?

Is Bishop Elvis Tokoroa a Level Four grifter?

I’m just asking questions. I’m just outlining facts.

I’ve got bundles of them. I’ve got several sacks.

Treat this virus with bleach? I couldn’t comment.

Eat some hydroxychloroquine? I’ve heard it’s a tonic.

But don’t use that app. It’s all part of their plan.

The sheeple they just do not understand.

As a responsible leader, I’m for the common good.

Create mischief and problems? I never would.

But I’m getting desperate for some air

at the bum end of election year.

Oops! I never meant to cause a scene.

Please remain in quarantine.


Victor Billot has previously been moved to write odes for such New Zealand luminaries as Garrick Tremain, Todd Muller, David Clark, Winston Peters and James Shaw.

* Made with the support of Creative New Zealand *

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