New Zealand’s republican poet laureate composes an Ode for Bishop Brian
The Trials of Elvis Tokoroa
Lo, Elvis was a shepherd of Men. From the forests
of Tokoroa he came, a humble servant, to the Great City.
He preacheth against the Pink Nonbinary Unicorns
and their pronouns and Kombucha and sinful ways.
And God looked favourably on his good servant Elvis:
and sent signs and messages, such as mobile EFT POS terminals
and pimped out Harley Davidsons, and sweet holidays in Greece.
So Pastor Elvis prospered as did his wise wife Hannah,
who standeth behind his throne and counsel him
in a very direct firm manner on fairly much everything.
Lo, and Reverend Elvis walked amongst the fallen
and his congregation said yea, we long for burnings and smitings
and other opportunities to express our love for sinners.
But then a plague came to the land, to punish all those
who refuseth to paywave their tithes for the Harleys.
And High Priest Elvis saith, I shall not be locked down,
nor partake in your sorcery or public health measures
for these are the ways of Satan: for few can attend
at the Temple and contribute their meagre kopecks.
So it was the Archimandrite Elvis led the Israelites
out of Egypt unto the Auckland Domain super spreader event,
where he denounc’d Empress Cindy and the Philistines
and the Sodomites and those without direct debits.
And the Pharisees sent their guardsmen to arrest Bishop Elvis
and he will duly appear at the District Court.
But the judgments of the Pharisees and the scribes
are straws in the wind to Messiah Elvis;
for one as Holy as this answers to no worldly laws,
his law is that of the Almighty, and when the Almighty speaks
it is with the beep and whirr of a mobile EFT POS terminal.