New Zealand’s republican poet laureate composes an Ode for Bishop Brian

The Trials of Elvis Tokoroa

Lo, Elvis was a shepherd of Men. From the forests

of Tokoroa he came, a humble servant, to the Great City.

He preacheth against the Pink Nonbinary Unicorns

and their pronouns and Kombucha and sinful ways.

And God looked favourably on his good servant Elvis:

and sent signs and messages, such as mobile EFT POS terminals

and pimped out Harley Davidsons, and sweet holidays in Greece.

So Pastor Elvis prospered as did his wise wife Hannah,

who standeth behind his throne and counsel him

in a very direct firm manner on fairly much everything.

Lo, and Reverend Elvis walked amongst the fallen

and his congregation said yea, we long for burnings and smitings

and other opportunities to express our love for sinners.

But then a plague came to the land, to punish all those

who refuseth to paywave their tithes for the Harleys.

And High Priest Elvis saith, I shall not be locked down,

nor partake in your sorcery or public health measures

for these are the ways of Satan: for few can attend

at the Temple and contribute their meagre kopecks.

So it was the Archimandrite Elvis led the Israelites

out of Egypt unto the Auckland Domain super spreader event,

where he denounc’d Empress Cindy and the Philistines

and the Sodomites and those without direct debits.

And the Pharisees sent their guardsmen to arrest Bishop Elvis

and he will duly appear at the District Court.

But the judgments of the Pharisees and the scribes

are straws in the wind to Messiah Elvis;

for one as Holy as this answers to no worldly laws,

his law is that of the Almighty, and when the Almighty speaks

it is with the beep and whirr of a mobile EFT POS terminal.

Victor Billot has previously been moved to write Odes for such New Zealand luminaries as Sir John Key,  Willis and Rawnsley, Dr Siouxsie Wiles, Duncan Garner, and Garrick Tremain.

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