New Zealand’s rogue poet laureate composes an Ode for the Mayor of Invercargill

The Ides of October

Dark days were they in Inver Vegas.

The Senate was riven by factions.

The factions were the Senate on one hand,

and Tim, Caesar of Vegas, on the other.

Matters of State weighed heavily

upon them, and speeches were made,

and the location of the Imperial concrete mixer

and hundredfold bits and bobs

on the Imperial estates were fiercely contested.

Et tu, Nobby? cried Caesar Tim,

as he nursed a paper cut on his thumb

from yet another vexatious point of order.

Thou nest of treacherous vipers!

Thou would deny me my rights to attend

the Three Waters Conference,

whatever in Jove’s name that may be.

But no matter, for I will instruct my

Loyal Caesaria Asha to fly me northwards

in my great polka dot decorated balloon

The World’s Fastest Indian, as she is not only

my PA, speech writer, public relations adviser,

chauffeur, security guard, amanuensis,

computer programmer, soulmate

and dancing partner, but also

a top notch hot air balloon pilot.

Lo, and the attentions of the Minister

for Local Government were demanded,

but the Minister smiled sadly, and saith

O simpletons, do you think I am dumb?

For what fool would presume to tell the

proud barbarians of the South how to run things?

So the shadows lengthened,

as accusations and counter accusations

flew across the Senate chambers;

and the distinct aroma of bullshit and jellybeans

slowly filled the air.

Victor Billot has previously been moved to write Odes for such New Zealand luminaries as Brian Tamaki,  Willis and Rawnsley, Dr Siouxsie Wiles, Duncan Garner, and Garrick Tremain.

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