Bard Billot on the burning Tory deathstar
A Disturbance in the Force
From the bridge of the Space Cruiser Titanic,
Darth Luxon and Princess Nicoleia
watch the approach of the mighty Death Star.
Empress Liz of star system Trusso teleports them
onboard to explain the Imperial Fiscal Agenda.
“There are two sides to The Force,”
purrs the Empress dangerously.
“Tax cuts for the Space Merchants,
or public services in a functioning Galaxy.”
Darth Luxon nods in agreement.
“And our goal is to carefully reconcile these
competing sides and hereby balance the Force?”
he asks hopefully.
The Empress stops and regards him silently
for a long time.
“No,” she says eventually,
“The goal is tax cuts for the Space Merchants.”
“Oh,” says Darth Luxon, a faint sheen
of perspiration gathering on his helmet.
“In that case,” he blathers, “we will follow
where you lead! As this is a competitive galaxy
and we need to attract high skill alien life forms
to our small backward farm planet of Zespri.”
“Where? Never mind.” mutters the Empress,
and wonders to herself
where they found this new Sith Lord.
The Death Star moves into attack position,
and the Tax Cuts Superlaser fires up.
But a monstrous rumbling shudder starts
to come from the innards of the great war machine.
Red lights are flashing on the dashboard.
Piercing sirens sound continuously.
Technicians run past in scorched overalls.
“O Empress,Ó”wonders Darth Luxon nervously,
“is this all part of the strategy?”
Empress Liz turns to Darth Luxon.
“I find your lack of faith disturbing,” she replies.
Then she turns back to the screeching alarms
and fires breaking out in the Command Centre,
mad eyes gleaming with fervour;
and commands the crew of the disintegrating Death Star,
“Set the controls for the heart of the sun –
this lady is not for turning!”