Winston Peters, Christopher Luxon and David Seymour are committed to signing a coalition deal on Friday. Photo: Supplied

Tea with Mrs Peters

The new Vicar had arrived in Little Thorndon

And his young wife Christobel Luxon

Is busy filling her new social calendar.

There was one visitor

Who had not yet called:

The mysterious Mrs Peters,

Matron of the District,

Who is mentioned in hushed and reverent tones.

A card is sent.

The invitation is accepted.

On Wednesday at three o’clock

A carriage draws up.

In sweeps Mrs Peters in her lacy shawl

Carrying her pedigree Maltese, Seymour.

Seymour leaps from her arms

Rushes yapping around the drawing room,

Pees on the carpet,

Shreds a satin cushion in his jaws,

Then jumps back into Mrs Peters lap.

Young lady Christobel conceals her horror.

Tea? She demurely asks.

Coffee, replies the commanding Mrs Peters.

Havana Dark or Kenyan Highland roast?

Instant, replies the inscrutable Mrs Peters.

Jersey Cream or black?

Condensed milk, replies the intimidating Mrs Peters.

Staff scuttle around and Christobel

Senses her composure starting to falter.

Just as her trembling hand

Starts to pour the Nescafe,

Mrs Peters rises suddenly.

“I’ve decided I would prefer to have instant coffee

Back at my Estate,” she announces.

“I’ll send an invitation, next month …

Or perhaps the month after that.”

Without another word, Mrs Peters picks up Seymour

And sweeps back out of the drawing room,

Leaving poor young Christobel

Blinking back hot tears of mortified confusion.

Getting established in Little Thorndon

Is proving harder than she had hoped.


Victor Billot has previously felt moved to write Odes to Mark Mitchell, Winston Peters, and David Seymour.

Victor Billot is a Dunedin writer.

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1 Comment

  1. Mrs Peters had probably told Mr Peters that Mr Luxon was not really very popular and could be manipulated into a useful form of confusion while setting up the new government.

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