Quest for the Holy Mojo

King Luxon the Aspirational

Set out on a quest to find the Holy Mojo.

By his side, his two banner men:

Lord Winston the Unwoke

And Sheriff Seymour of Nottingham.

The Kingdom was fragile and unproductive,

And languished with lack of Mojo.

The three wise men came to a great body of water.

In the waves appeared an ancient Toyota Corolla of legend.

A fair lady stepped out of the rusty sedan

And handed them the keys.

“I am Nicola, Lady of the Strait,” speaketh the apparition,

“Fare thee well on thy most noble pursuit of Mojo.”

The bravehearts drove on through the fields in the Corolla.

They came across a bottom feeder sitting in the mud.

“Please, M’Lud, a crust of bread is all I ask,” pleads the peon.

“No, my good man. I am the King of Tough Love!”

Replieth proud and pious Luxon the Aspirational.

But the King is also a Just King and a Merciful one,

And tosses the peon a pack of Marlboro Lights

To stave off his hunger pangs.

The adventurers come across a large gated Castle.

Two landlords come over and open the boot of the Corolla.

“It’s all yours,” beams King Luxon.

“How much?” Ask the silk-hosed merchants,

Weighing the great sacks of loot.

“About a billion, give or take some pennies.”

Lo, and so the Mojo of the merchants,

Moneylenders and landlords was reenergised

And they did party long and loud

Behind the high walls and deep moats;

And outside in the dark and the mud

The bottom feeders shared around their pack

Of Marlboro Lights,

And contemplated their sins of sloth, idleness,

And failure to accumulate capital gains.

Victor Billot has felt moved to write Odes for public figures these many generations past, such as Lord Winston, Toad of Seymour, and Prime Sinister Jacinda Ardern.

Victor Billot is a Dunedin writer. He is the author of the poetry collection The Sets (Otago University Press, 2020), and writes a weekly satirical Ode each Sunday for Newsroom.

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